The Beth of New

For those of you who are interested (so arrogant of me, to think that you're interested in my bullshit!) I have still heard nothing from the man.  I have uncovered information that leads me to believe he may be in LA, but I have no idea if this is permanent.  Naturally, I've tried to find out.  Quelle surprise, I've had no reply.  No reply to "So, looking at your profile, it certainly looks like you've moved to LA.  Is this in preparation for when you go, or have you already moved?.  Not even any reply to "I haven't heard from you for over 2 weeks and online it looks like you've moved to the other side of the world.  Whats going on?"

So here I am.  When I uncovered this info on Monday morning, I cried.  I was really upset.  How could he do that?  Then, after somewhere between five and ten minutes, I stopped.  Why the fuck was I crying?  What can I do about that?  If he's gone to LA to work for a few weeks and can't be bothered to tell me, I can't do anything about it.  If he's taken the coward's way out and just moved out there with so much as a goodbye, I can't do anything about it.

That realisation, the notion that life is just a river and I just have to flow with it - its helped a lot.  The Beth of old would likely have spent that whole day in bed sobbing, calling every 10 minutes, emailing. Trying to track him down like some depraved bloodhound.

The Beth of new got dressed, went out and had lunch with a friend and then spent the rest of the day chilling out and watching movies.  The friend I had lunch with couldn't work out why I was so passive.  We've worked together in the past and he's seen me get wound up over things.  I never get really angry over relationships.  Upset?  HELL yeah.  Never angry though.  I always kind of think that anger is only upset manifesting in a different way, so I just go for the pure form.

The next day, the Beth of new went and had lunch with another old friend.  Someone I don't see much, but when I do see things are just like they were when we last hung out.  He's an absolute sweetheart and I can only hope that everyone has a friend like him somewhere.

Yesterday, I went to London.  I used to love going into the big city, but yesterday I noticed it didn't have the same appeal as it used to.  I think I'm too polite for it.  I say please and thank you.  I apologise if I almost blind someone with my umbrella or decapitate them with my stupid bloody rucksack.  I had a disappointing wander around the Tate Modern , there were lots of school trips and I'm not sure a modern art gallery is any place for a child.  At least not when I'm there.  I managed to spend a bit of time in the Rothko room, which is my favourite part of the whole place, only leaving when a tour guide brought a small crowd of people into the room to explain about it.  It made me want to scream "Do you have to have this spoon fed to you?!  Are you all such lazy slobs that you have to have someone lead you by the hand round the museum?!  Can't you figure it out for yourself?!"  Its modern art people, no one can tell you what it means.  Thats sort of the point.

After that, I set about spending money (I'm so good at it, it'd be a shame not to).  First stop, Screenface in Covent Garden to get some new make-up brushes.  Then to Waterstones on Piccadilly to buy The Game by Neil Strauss.  I'm about 150 pages in so far and its pretty good.  I was on my way to get some lunch (at 3pm, mind you) at Wagamama and I was stopped by one of those charity-get-you-to-make-regular-donation-workers.  Only one of the good ones.  You know the sort that manage to lure you in by being witty and complimenting you and all the other things that appeal to the ego?  He was one of those.  We must have been chatting for a good 20 minutes, if not more. He asked me if I was swedish.  I get that a lot.  Its the extra-fair/blonde combo I think, because I'm not.  I'm a mixture of English and Welsh stock, with a healthy dose of MENTAL thrown in for good measure.  Anyway, a nice chat later and I'm now donating a small portion of a my meagre wage to help disadvantaged kids.  Its a good cause, as long as they don't take them to galleries.

After lunch and my random chat with a stranger, I had a quick browse in Lush on Regent St and bought some Bath Bombs (I love 'em.  They cost about the same as a whole bottle of normal bubble bath, but who cares) and then went and met fellow blogger Clare for the first time.  We've read eachothers blogs for what seems like forever, we've emailed and texted but never met! We grabbed drinks in Starbucks (I love Starbucks but apparently they're very bad and whilst convincing me to give cash, charity worker mentioned above recommended Monmouth Coffee which I'll try next time I'm over that way) and ended up wandering around because it was raining and nowhere had anywhere to sit!  It was nice to be able to put a face to a name after all this time and we're going to have lunch sometime soon hopefully.

Today I've been lazy.  At some point in the above shopping escapade I bought series 4 of Northern Exposure and I stayed in bed til 1pm today, being a lazy cow and watching at least 4 episodes. I can justify that as tomorrow I'll be up at 5am-ish, leaving my house at 6am to go to a meeting.  I had a text from the person I'm going with to say "Are you still ok for 06:00"  To which I could only reply"I'm as ok as I'm ever going to be for a 6am start".

Hopefully, that meeting will finish early enough that I can be home with enough time to have a nap before I go out in London again tomorrow night.  Its my friends birthday and as I'm going to start making an effort to actually go out more, I'm going into Soho with him and his friends (all gay I think).  IT means I get to have a look at the 2 potential boyfriends he has, try to ignore his most recent ex (twat) and have a bit of a giggle.  Its a bit out of character.  Not very me to cnsider being out late in a bar.

The thing of it is, I've realised that I've been Me for a while now and I don't think Me is very happy.  I'm considering switching to "New and Improved Me - with added happy".  I'll report back soon and let you know how I get on.

Comments

[The Other Beth]

Good for you for not letting that jerk upset you. You deserve better that some loser who might or might not have moved without telling you. Seriously, unless this guy is in the CIA or undercover spy on a top secret government mission, there is no excuse for that behavior. You've got such a great attitude about the situation and your life. I could definitley learn a lesson from you! I think it's great that you are going to be New and Improved. The "with added happy" part made me laugh. Too cute! Have a great weekend!

[brookem]

I'm sorry to hear that you still haven't had any contact with the man. It seems like you are keeping really great perspective on it all though. You seem like such a great girl, you deserve to be happy. Have fun in London with your friends tomorrow night!

[Clare]

Have a fab time tomorrow night, Beth, and look forward to meeting up for lunch again soon.

Oh and I absolutely love being a lazy cow and staying in bed till lunchtime watching DVD's or TV. What's the point of having time off work and staying at home if you can't do that?

[brandy]

Love the lush bath bomb. Actually, I love just saying the word 'lush'. Lush. Anyway, on a completely different note, I'm glad the Beth of new is keeping busy. And can I just say, I'm jealous that you are actually able to meet fellow bloggers? No one lives near me...

[peach]

very cool beth, little else you need in life but the ability to pick yourself up when others get you down...

hip hip

[before sunrise]

YAY for new Beth!! That is such a positive and wonderful change!! Isn't it great when you actually decide to not stay in bed crying and go out and actually be happy? I love it!! Oh, and I loved hearing about your day in London, I lived there for 12 yrs, so sometimes it's nice to re-live London through other people :)

[Ariel]

Uh? How bizarre, not to mention quite possibly uncouth and downright weird considering that, erm, Fancy Pheromones will be in LA in three weeks. Ain't the same bloke, is it? Sorry, being silly. YOU GO GIRL! Lush is pure olfactory happiness, I adore it... Chin up!

[Beth]

The Other Beth - Thank you, have a great weekend too!

Brookem - I didn't go in the end. I was up at 5am and didn't get home from the office until after 6pm so I was pretty shattered.

Clare - Exactly, thats what weekends and days off are made for. We'll get something arranged soon, definitely.

Brandy - Lush is a great word, and the bath bomb is a great bathtime accompaniment. I'm sorry no one lives closer, but you've got a tight little online community that thinks you're fabulous - does that help a bit?

Peach - I've recently learned that I always pick myself up, its just sometimes I'm on my arse for longer than I should be!

Before Sunrise - After my day there, I think I'd like to go there through other people too. I used to love the hustle and bustle, but it was all a bit too much for me. Maybe I'm getting old!

Ariel - There's always the possibility although he's out there already and apparently forever now, but if they are the same guy kudos to you for getting him to actually contact you! Seriously though, I hope you'll be ok when FP goes out there.