A Picnic in the Park

I hate London in the summer.  I hate being crammed onto the tube with people who have no idea aout persona hygiene.  People who have been passed by by the notion of deodorant.  People who don't respect your personal space.

The streets seem busier somehow.  More shoppers ambling.  More tourists stopping dead in the middle of the pavement to read their maps.  This frustrates me the most I think.  there are a billion cabs in london - get in one, then you don't need a map.  If you absolutely must go on foot, move to the side of the pavement, next to a building (but not in front of a door, moron) and check your map there.  do not stop suddenly in front of other people who know where they're going and don't have time to dawdle.  Eventually, one (likely to be me) will lose their rag and shout at you.

That aside, it was one of my best friends' birthday's yesterday and we had a picnic in soho square.  The weather was gorgeous and I can honestly say I have never seen so many posing gay men in such a small space.  They were everywhere.  Granted 40 or so of them were in our group, but there had to have been at least 200 more around us.

I love to people watch.  The boys were playing "cock or no cock" which I'd never played before.  Fun.  I kept noticing gay couples that matched.  I don't know if they did it on purpose, but an awful lot of them had very similar outfits on.  It was cute, in a "they've lost their individual identity" sort of way.  I learned that there are gay chavs.  I had no idea.  Twinks, bears - I know of these..but gay chavs?  Weirdest thing I've seen in ages and totally doesn't fit within my stereotype (although perhaps thats my problem and not theirs).

We drank a lot (Pimms, Bucks Fizz and various flavoured Vodkas were on the go) and ate picnic food consisting mostly of sausage rolls and crisps.  I learned that I photograph much better with sunglasses on and its my eyes that tend to let me down in pictures:

L to R thats Lewis, the birthday boy - me in the middle - my new pal Dwaine on the right.

I also found that deet smells disgusting and doesn't taste much better. My friend's other half had worn a yellow t-shirt and all insects in the W1 area seemed to think he was pollen and something had to be done. 

Our entertainment was in the form of a rather unfortunate bearded homeless man.  He was loitering in the park - which makes sense, the park is nice on a sunny day - drinking a can of stella, dribling in his beard and crawling around on the floor so everyone got to see his arse.  Three times I saw it.  Scary.  Hi disappeared for a bit and then came back in the early evening and proceded to puke on the grass - full on out of the nose hanging from his beard puking at that.  when we came to leave, we had all sorts of food left over and I decided it'd be wrong to waste it so i stuck it all in a carrier bag and gave it to him.  He didn't say anything and I can't imagine a bag of sour cream and pepper crisps, a bag of Hickory BBQ crisps, a pot of salsa, a bottle of lemonade and a carton of cranberry juice is really what he wanted but he took it anyway.  On the train home I realised that it was a small price to pay for such entertainment, so everything there went full circle.

I managed to do all of that, get home at a decent hour and this morning I don't have a hangover or sunburn.  A good day all in all!

Comments

[Leah Vanessa]

Sounds like a great day! I never pass up an opportunity to people watch.

[Beth]

Leah - How are you doing? It really was a fab day, hopefully there will be a lot more of them this summer!

[Courtney]

Well done! Drinking in the sun always gets me twice as drunk twice as fast. Yesterday was a great park day here in Munich as well- and looks like it will be again today.

[David]

What a fun way to spend a day! And now for the more funner part...how do you play "cock or no cock" and what are "gay chavs"?

[peach]

I loved reading that, and could totally picture myself in soho square with all the sights !

[Ing]

Being a stingy northerner who cannot fathom how staggeringly expensive the capital is, you'll always find me on foot there wherever possible. I do not trust cabs (black or mini) to charge me anthing less than a small fortune and failing everything else will resort to the tube.

I am however with you 100% on people who stop dead in the middle of the pavement...

[clarissa]

OH GOD YES - THE TOURISTS!!!!! Arrrgggggg! Always standing in the wrong place!

Poor homeless guy. You didn't happen to catch the Homeless Invade South Park episode did you?

[Beth]

Courtney - I'm not much of a drinker, so I switched to lemonade after my third drink. Pimms definitely tastes nicer in the sun, but I knew the morning after I'd regret it. I hope the weather is still park-able in Munich, its got miserable here again.

David - Hello! Ok, Cock or no Cock is as simple as it sounds...you watch people go past and work out if they're a guy or a girl. When you're somewhere that the vast majority of people are straight, its easy. In a park full of gay men and lesbians...much less so. Chavs is one of the less pleasing sub-cultures over here. I don't think you have anything like it in the US. Generally, they're lazy, slobbish, designer knock-off (usually Burberry) wearing little monsters. If you have a look at wikipedia, it'll explain it better.

Peach - Thank you! Congratulations again by the way - am really excited for you!

Ing - I must just be used to being in a more expensive part of the country, ultimately its only money and I can't take it with me. Glad you agree on the stopping dead on the pavement though, its obviously universally frustrating!

Clarissa - I didn't, but I'm willing to bet I missed an absolute gem. I always love how they totally push the boundaries. I think the last episode I saw was The Jeffersons and couldn't believe they got away with it!

[KennethSF]

Wow, that park looks rather crowded. By the way, you look adorable in those oversize sunglasses.

I'm somewhat puzzled by this "cock or no cock" game that the boys were playing. If they are boys, I'd assume that by default they all possess this organism in question. No?

[Clare]

Hi Beth
Good to hear you had a good time in London despite being squashed on the tube with smelly people.
Hope all is well with you.

[Beth]

Kenneth - Cock or No Cock is really where you're guesing whether someone walking past is a guy or a girl. It can be surprisingly hard to tell in Soho on a sunny day!

Clare - All well here, thank you! Hope you are too.