Saying Goodbye

The Funeral was today.  I'd never been to one before.

The church was packed, barely enough room for everyone to sit.

We walked in behind the coffin to Even After All, by Finlay Quaye which I'e always loved as a mellow summer tune and it was somehow very fitting:

His younger brother and sister delivered a eulogy together and my heart broke for them both...it was very clear a huge part of their lives is now missing.

There was a hymn, some prayers and readings from the bible which on some level I tuned out of.  Not out of a lack of respect for the family but just because of a different belief system.  Its interesting how for a person who doesn't believe in god, preaching on any level can just reiterate your lack of belief.

Then, they played Champagne Supernova by Oasis which I don't think I'll listen to in the same way.  He was a huge Oasis fan.  I remember when the Be Here Now album was released, he was sitting in the kitchen and reading through the liner notes, pointing different things out.

Another work colleague of his also spoke and told us what we already knew - what a good person the deceased was and how tragic of a loss it is.  They had become friends working for an aquatic company and the colleage said how he was such a humble person - fascinated by the marine fish and always willing to learn.  There were even clients from the business there to pay their respects.  Through all of their grief, i'm sure his family must be so exceedingly proud of the man he became.

Finally we sang All Things Bright and Beautiful, said the Lords Prayer and went to the cemetary to watch his "mortal remains" be laid to rest.  I hated that term.  I can't explain why.

I only stayed at the wake for a short while, they are a huge family and I didn't want to be under anyones feet and felt that because there were so many people, any extra space I could free up would be for the best.  I didn't feel that I needed to stay to pay my respects, I did that in the church and this was definitely a time for family to come together, which I'm sure they did.

I wasn't as outwardly emotional as I'd expected, but I cried when his brother and sister spoke.  Other than that, I just felt anxious and helpless - there is nothing you can do to help.  I put together a few plastic glasses at the wake and poured a couple of drinks but thats so trivial.  I don't like to feel as though I can't do something to make it just a tiny bit better.

As I left, I reminded them all that if there was anything they needed they could call on me whenever.  I think the one thing they need will be time...

Comments

[Roses]

Oh honey, sounds rough. I've had my fair share of funerals and they are always hard. It sounds like you did the best thing for the family - were supportive and not intrusive. I'm sure you'll continue to be there for them, and even if they can't manage to say, I'm sure they appreciate your efforts.

[Beth]

Roses - I'm sure they do too. When I left the wake I said goodbye to each member of the family separately and every one of them thanked me for coming. They all know where I am if they need me, but as you said - supportive and not intrusive is the key!

[Ingmar]

I was just thinking about the similar experience I had when my friend Stacey died last year. There was a song called 'Glow' by 'Unkle' which I listened to around that time and now I cannot seperate from that time. Look it up some time - it's a beautiful, yet melancholy track.

[clarissa]

You gave me the goose bumps.

Nothing like being thrown into a wall though.

Hugs, c

[Beth]

Ing - Its a whole new experience for me, but after speaking to a few people its apparently really common to have that association. The power of the senses eh?

Clarissa - It certainly remminds you you're alive, thats for sure!