...Think, Think, Think...

Late-Summer Clean and a serious case of the What If's

Lately I've been feeling a bit sort of unsettled.  Not unhappy, but not exactly happy either.  Feeling like I needed some sort of change and thats quite a difficult thing to engineer.

I feel like I need to go through everything and throw out the things I don't need.

Last weekend I started with DVD's and books.  I have 320 dvds now and that doesn't include the 32 that I'm never ever going to watch again that ggot put in a bin bag to go to the charity shop. 

I got rid of 15 or so books.  Those little gems on relationships that are supposed to help keep things running smoothy.  They never did.  If twisting myself into knots to be agreeable and "understanding" and behaving like a complete doormat wouldn't keep the man around, some crappy notion about Mars and Venus wasn't going to do much either.  I get rid of the books on what to do when you get dumped again, because that path I'm now familiar with, I have my own way of dealing with it and it usually depends on the method of dumping.  Fortunately in the last year I haven't had to worry because I haven't put myself at risk.

Books and DVD's done my bedroom is now substantially tidier.  I spend probably 90% of my time at home in there so some space is nice, given that its little more than a nicely decorated, technically well equipped cell.

This leaves my wardrobes, drawers, handbags and shoe collection.  I've been saying for months that I'd go through all of these and put it off every time.  Its not a nice job.  Its harder than with books or dvds because I know I can re-buy them if needs be.  The clothes/shoes/bags are seasonal - once they're gone they're gone.  But whats the point in keeping things I never wear?  They may as well go to people who will use them, who need them more than I do.

But here's my worry.

What if I do all the sorting out, get rid of all the clutter and things I don't need and free up lots of space and don't feel any better?

I'm inclined not to take action at times, because if I don't (and this is the losers way out, I know) I can say "X isn't working, but I could do this if I wanted and that would probably fix it".  I'm just sort of scared that if I do it and it doesn't, I'm even more stuck.  No hope of moving forward or making change because I've tried and failed.

I have this attitude with fitness.  I could be slimmer and more toned if I exercised.  I'd probably feel better in myself and even be more attractive to the opposite sex...but what if I do it and I don't and I'm not?  What then?

Its fear and I know I shouldn't let fear control my life on any level...I'm just weak at the moment.

Random Beth Facts #2

Thank you all very much for your comments on my last post, my ankle is all better now.  The bruising got a bit worse as that week wore on (on the worst day you could see all the colours from the rainbow song, which I was pretty impressed with!) and its totally gone now.

I haven't really done much these last couple of weeks.  Last weekend my dad had hired a car for something as his was isbehaving and he got an automatic so I could do some of the driving.  I did ok, other than fighting not to lose my rag wit being told "overtake here", "watch your braking" etc.  Sunday I took the car out by myself and managed to deal with the M25, the Dartford Crossing (both bridge and tunnel!) and bay parking at Bluewater all without having a meltdown.  I'm not planning on buying a car any time soon, but its good that I hadn't totally forgotten what to do behind the wheel.

As not much has happened, I'm doing another "Random Facts" post. I did one last year and so I think its time for a few additions.

Having seen the new Batman film, I do not think Heath Ledger deserves a posthumous Oscar.  Yes, he put in a good performance.  Yes, it is sad that he died so young.  But no, this is not Oscar-worthy stuff.  He'll win it of course, because the wrong people always win.

I have a slight addiction problem with Cherry 7-Up.  Its hard to find over here, so when I do find it I buy lots and am probably well on the way to wrecking my teeth.

I absolutely always read any takeaway menus we get put through the door and check for spelling mistakes.  I even did this in a pub a couple of weekends ago.  If you're printing something to give to customers, go on, try spellcheck in Word.  Its fab.

I have a lingerie and cosmetic habit.  I am forever buying new undies or new makeup and I need neither.  I can't help it, I like pretty things!

A few weekends ago, I went with some friends to Crews Hill.  For those not in the South East of England, its a town on the outskirts of London well known for its ridiculous number of Nurseries/Garden Centres.  Apparently its lovely at Christmas but I've never been. Anyway, we went, looking for a garden gnome.  One place in particular had a pet store and they had Westie puppies.  I love Westies.  I fell in love with one of them and as much as I'd have loved to buy him, I didn't have the required £600 sitting around to spare.  I said my goodbye and that puppy watched me the whole time I walked out of the shop.  I am still getting flashbacks of his gorgeous little face and I'm really hoping he's gone to a good home.

I just have to get through Monday morning at work and then I don't have to go back for the rest of the week.  Even better, I still have 3 weeks of holiday time to use up before the end of this calendar year.  I am extremely excited about this.  I'm not going away, but I love lazy weeks off.

Something else I'm alo extremely excited about; two months today Hockey season starts again.  This means lots of late nights and listening to hockey commentary over the net.  Lets Go Lightning.

Thats all I've got for now...hope you're having a great weekend so far!