...Think, Think, Think...

"So What are you Trying to Say?"

I had an encounter with a woman today.

Not that sort of encounter.

I'm walking around Marks and Spencer, looking for some new underwear (I know I already have plenty.  Thats not the point).

I almost always have my iPod on when I'm shopping so at first I didn't notice the woman asking me a question - not until I turned to go down the next aisle.  I realised she'd asked me a question, paused my song and asked her to repeat what she said.

"Are these any good?"  she asked.  Holding up the biggest pair of control knickers I've ever seen in my life.  "You can end up wasting a lot of money on these if they're not."

Now, I'll be frank.  I don't think I'm a bad looking lady.  I've got a decent figure.  I wouldn't say that I look fat.  I weigh in at about 155-160lbs which for my height, amost 6ft, is well within my normal weight range.

I told her that I was sorry but I had no idea.  What I really wanted to say was "Do I look fat or something?"

I'm sure she was just looking for advice, but fuck, there is nothing like one of those comments to take you from feeling shit-hot (I got beeped at twice and checked out a couple of times walking to Blockbuster last night...in my lazy girl clothes!) to just feeling like shit.

This has happened to me before.  For example:

"I don't know why you're single.  You're not really ugly." - My cousins friend while a bunch of us were hanging out one evening.

"I'm not going to make fun of your friends becuse you're rather a large girl.." - A guy who I went on a date with whose name I can't remember but he was doing a PhD in Maths.  Oddly enough I never saw him again.

At a Clinique counter:

Me: "I'm looking to buy some concealer."
Sales Assistant: "Oh..for the bags under your eyes."
Me:  "I wasn't aware I had bags under my eyes.  But yes, now its for the bags under my eyes."

Sometimes I like it better when people plain just don't talk to me...

Ink

For about the last year, I've been exploring the possibility of getting a tattoo.

I've got friends who have them - some who just get random things, others who have beautiful pieces of art that truly mean something to them.

I fall into the same school of thought as the latter, as in if I'm getting a tattoo it needs to mean something to me.  Unfortunately because I'm a fairly direction-less sort, finding a design that meant something was tough.  I'd considered getting two magpies on my lower back (a magpie is a clever bird that likes shiny things - I consider myself to be the same.) but realised that to get the beautiful shimmer they have on their plumage theyd have to be fairly sizeable.  I didn't want to be crazy magpie lady, I have plent of other crazy without having it permanently displayed on my body.

I started thinking about butteflies.  I've always liked them and although they're a pretty common thing to have tattooed, I knew I could put my own spin on it.

I finally took the plunge on Tuesday and had the tattoo done.  The people at the shop were awesome, but I'm never having another one done ever again ever.  For me, that pain is more than I'd want to tolerate again.  I do love the finished product though, I think its really pretty and feminine (but I'm biased of course).

I'm still in the healing stages, but this is what it looked like a couple of hours after being done, its placed on the right hand side of my lower back because the tattooist said it'd flow better with the shape of my body there than if it was slap bang in the middle.  He put the stencil on and he was right - it would have looked strange in the middle of my back because its concave.

The colours and location of the colours were chosen specifically to represent the things I want more of in my life:

• The blue butterfly represents calmness and serenity.
• The yellow butterfly represents happiness and positivity.
• The pink butterfly represents love and passion.

The yellow butterfly is intentionally separate because I want my happiness and positivity to be independent of a relationship (ie the pink butterfly) - too many people think you have to have a partner to be happy and I disagree.  The blue and pink butterflies are on the same side because when I am involved I can be a little neurotic and I want to use it to remind me to stay calm.

I'm on day 3 now and it feels a lot like having sunburn.  Hopefully it'll heal quickly and I'll be able to lay on my right side again soon!