...Think, Think, Think...

Crank Call

I got a crank call last night.  The first one I ever had and hopefully it'll be the last.

It was after 1am and from a withheld number - don't ask me why I answered.  I sort of figured it was one of my friends who was drunk dialling.

In the first call he said "I want to get deep inside your..." I don't know what the last word was because I hung up, but I'm sure I could guess.

It gets stupid when I tell you that he called back and I answered again, which wasn't one of my brightest achievements.  I don't remember what the first thing he said was but my reply was "Yeah, you called before.  Who is this?".

He then just said, in a super-creepy voice "Look outside your window.  Look outside your door."

I didn't, I coudn't.  My heart was pounding out of my chest and I think its the closest thing to real, honest to goodness, I'm going to die fear I've ever, ever felt.

Logically, no one was going to hurt me.  It was just some idiot who'd randomly dialled a number and it happened to be the number of someone dumb enough to answer.

Anyway, rather than hanging up I just put the phone down so he got the soundtrack of an episode of Ed, Edd & Eddy which I happened to be watching.  Eventually he hung up.  I'm a little surprised, as cartoons go its right up there as one of the best.

I switched my voicemail off, because for some reason I thought him having my name was extremely dangerous - again, probably not.  I then put the phone on silent so if he did keep calling back I wouldn't hear it.

He only called back a couple more times, but by then the adrenalin had me so wired that I couldn't sleep.  I ended up texting the only person I could think of that would be up at that time which was my ex, and he kindly replied to say that it was probably just someone being a jerk.  Then he managed to scare the crap out of me by calling me too.  We talked for a few minutes and while he was on the phone I peeked out the window.  Of course there was no one there.  I'm not sure why I felt brave enough to do it with him on the phone, because if there was someone out there a voice on the end of the phone could do jack do help me!

I ended up sitting awake until gone 4am watching QVC as I tried to chill out.  There was a beauty hour though, so it wasn't all bad.

The ex asked me if it could have been one of my friends messing about.  I hadn't thought about that, but if it was and I find out about it I'm fairly sure we won't be friends anymore and they may end up missing some teeth.

I'm totally fascinated by the fight/flight reaction I had though.  The call itself felt so invasive.  I was in my room when I answered the call so it seem to be really close, my bedroom is my safe haven.  I feel fine about it this morning, but I really was a wreck last night.  In the cold light of day it seems so silly, but last night it was anything but.

I won't be answering any more calls from withheld numbers, thats for sure.

Some help with a quote...

Hello person who is kind enough to stop by my blog and read it!

You may have already had an email from me about this - in which case you can just ignore it.  If you haven't, please read on.

If you're a regular reader, you'll probably have gathered by now that I'm a little bit neurotic.  That I stress fairly easily. 

At the moment, I'm feeling it big time and I'm trying to find some ways to sort of break that cycle.  Just something to snap me out of whatever is bugging me.

I'm trying to put together a book of quotes, just as a point of inspiration to look at when I'm starting to get bogged down in all the stresses and strains of daily life and I'm looking for any suggestions that my readers may have.

It could be from anywhere - a writer, a poet, a philosopher or if youre not into high brow, a movie, a lyric or even something that you or someone you know has said and it turned out to be witty enough that you could tell someone else.

If you have a quote you'd like to share, I'd love it if you'd leave me a comment with the quote and who its attributed to.

Thank you!

Rut

Small list of things that at the moment that I don't understand:

Why, even though my job hasn't changed since my promotion I now feel a huge amount of pressure and find myself stressing out about work even when I'm at home.

Why it is that even if I go to bed early, when I wake up I'm still tired.  Last night I went to bed at about 1am, slept til around 10am and still managed to go back to sleep between about 12:30pm and 5pm this afternoon.

Why I can't seem to stop eating crap at the moment.  I could do with losing 5lbs, but the bread, ice cream and other assorted junk seems to call out louder than being healthy.

It seems like I've lost motivation to do everything.  I've had some emails sitting in my inbox - one from 19th January and one from around 15th February that I've only just replied to today.  Its not that I don't care about the content or I'm disinterested in what the senders had to say, I just don't have the energy. 

I'm getting home from work totally wiped, making dinner and then falling asleep by 10pm. Then, waking up tired and doing it all over again.

I haven't studied anything for my courses for months (there's no time restriction fortunately).  I haven't been to the gym in weeks and I'm going to cancel the membership next month when my 6 months is up.

I would say that I'm probably mildly depressed.  Stupid things that don't usually bother me are upsetting me.  I took cancellation of some plans today really personally, but on the other hand am reluctant to commit to any plans in the upcoming months because I really don't know if I can be bothered to go.  Its no reflection on my friends, but there's no sense in me going out if I'm going to be miserable.

I think its all related to work.  I think I'm putting pressure on myself to do a good job and make sure that everything runs super-smooth but I don't really want to do that if it means that it wrecks the rest of my life.

Surely, at 27 and with the seniority level I have (I supervise 3 people, so I'm hardly ruling the masses) I shouldn't be feeling like this?