A Final Farewell

The funeral went well.  

I woke up on the day in an unusually good mood, the first time I'd felt a bit brighter since my Gran passed away.  I couldn't explain why, I just felt better.  Maybe it was a sense of closure.  

We arrived at the church early and I immediately gravitated towards my cousin and his girlfriend as they're the ones I'm closest to.  There were a lot of people there, most of them I hadn't seen for years.  My dad's best friend and his wife, my uncle's norwegian mother in law (who was super nice and knew all the words to the hyms in english, which was impressive as I didn't and its my first language), lots of people from the painting club of which that my gran was a member.

The Vicar said he did a rough count and there were about 60 people in the church, which I think was pretty good.  

The church bit itself was slightly weird for me as from where I was sat I couldn't really see the Vicar - just the giant eagle shaped lectern.  Either way, the Vicar/eagle gave a lovely service.

We got through the wake without any arguments and we actually had quite a good giggle, which she'd have liked.  

the next day was the grim part.  We went to her flat and were sorting through her things.  My dad and the brother who is co-executor were making decisions on what was happening with things.  My mum sorted out the kitchen and another uncle and I sort of stood about (I made tea, which was hardly helpful, but at least it was something).  He cracked a few jokes (as he always does) and then said "I'm only laughing because it's so horrible."  He was actually the first one of the brothers to show and sort of emotion towards it all.  My dad has had too much on his mind and the other uncle present at the time just seemed more concerned with getting a good price for the house. He was right though, it was horrible.  There we were, looking through all her stuff an judging whether we thought it was valuable.  I mean who are we to do that?  Its her whole life, all her possessions there and we're going "bin it, charity shop it, so and so wants that". 

Its difficult when someone says "You can have whatever you want" and gestures around the room.  I didn't really want any material things, its not exactly a fair trade.  I ended up picking out a couple of bits of jewellery and a mirror to go on the wall.  They'll remind me of her, especially the mirror which will be on display all the time.

So thats it...all over and done with now.  I'm glad.  She's at peace and we've all said goodbye and I feel like I can get back to normal.  I won't forget her, but she's not looking down angry with me for spending all my time miserable, she'll be pleased I'll be getting on with life.

The first step in getting on with life was inspired by sorting through her things.  I really do have a lot of shit in the house - most of which sits in drawers never touched or looked at - and so I'm going to have a major, MAJOR clear out.  It'll make the place tidier and I'll feel de-cluttered.  

I probably sound like a crazy person, but I actually feel more positive about everything now than I did before we were told she only had a few days left.  Maybe sometimes funny things make you realise how lucky you are to have what you've got.

Comments

[ellie]

You don't sound like a crazy person at all. I think the clear out idea sounds great. I've just moved into a new flat with only 2 suitcases -- one of which was filled with linens and the dog's bedding. The closet here is 3/4s empty; and I love it. (Though I know I won't clear out what I should when the rest of the stuff comes). Big hugs to you Beth. xx

[Dena]

When my grandmother passed away, all of the other aunts and uncles went through her stuff. My grandfather allowed all of the small great-grandchildren to choose a Barbie doll (she collected them - my daughter chose Sleeping Beauty). Then they started handing things over to whom they thought would like what. All I wanted was her collection of Little House books but I didn't ask for them.

Turns out that all the aunts and uncles decided I should have the set, since I'm the writer in the family. My grandmother was an Ingalls...her family is the one featured in the Little House on the Prairie series. It's odd how everyone finds different items that remind them of the person who's gone.

I'm glad you're feeling better...and more encouraged to make things even better.

[rashbre]

You don't sound crazy; just like someone who has had to go through an emotional mangle over the last few days. Its good to see you looking towards the positive future. x

[Roses]

It sounds like you're doing exactly what you need to do honey.

Many, many hugs.

[Beth]

Ellie - The space is almost freeing isn't it? A representation of possibilities. I think thats part of what is motivating me, I'm being bogged down by "stuff" I don't need. Big housewarming hugs to you too, I hope the new place is starting to feel like home xx

Dena - Thats extremely cool, I hadn't even realised that Little House on the Prairie was based on fact - how uneducated do I feel now. It is pretty interesting what items people associate with the person they've lost. My cousin and I were talking and we both remembered the exact same thing from my grandmother's house, an ornament made up of a brandy glass with a ceramic mouse inside and a ceramic cat hanging off the edge of the glass trying to get to the mouse. It had disappeared when we went to the house and apparently she'd had a big clear out so all we can think is that she gave it away.

Rashbre - Thank you! Its good to BE looking forward to the postitive future. Someone at work today told me it was nice to see me smiling again, which is a surprisingly nice thing to hear.

Roses - I am. New motto for the year I think - do what I need to do, not what I feel I ought to do. Sadly the first of those things is now "go on a little diet" as I've comfort eaten myself half a stone heavier in the last couple of weeks and I'm actually feeling worse for it. And to think I was complaining about my weight before! Hugs to you too sweetheart, I hope everything is going well for the launch xx

[Here In Franklin]

So I've never really understood the long wait between death and funeral. Here (in the U.S.), it's days at the most. I can't imagine waiting two weeks. That would be terrible.

Hope you're feeling ok...

[HereInFranklin]

Should've read *3* days.

[Beth]

HIF - I'm feeling much better now, thank you. The wait was very hard, but its standard here. It was almost 3 weeks between the death and the funeral for my maternal grandmother. 3 days would have made it easier on everyone!