Stressed Out!

For those of you who saw that last blogpost called "Ooops" and were confused, blame Typepad and my iPhone.  It was meant to be a draft, but it published somehow?  I don't know how.

I haven't posted anything recently because my head really hasn't been in the right place for it.  

Short version of events is that I'd been trying to ignore a number of things that were making me feel extremely stressed, but I'm now at that point where they can't be ignored anymore.

It all hit me on Wednesday.  I was okay in the morning, left the office to go to a meeting and totally lost it.  Its always nice to spend a journey in a colleagues car trying not to cry, then the rest of the day with that person walking on eggshells for fear that they'll totally set you off and not know how to stop it.

Fortunately, I held myself together (just) until I got home, at which point I totally lost it when I realised that I'm actually not coping here.  I've been feeling really taken for granted and under massive amounts of pressure (most of which I'm putting on myself, it seems) and for whatever reason, Wednesday was breaking point.  

I think what did it was realising that I wasn't coping, but that I felt so overwhelmed by everything that I didn't know where to start to fix everything.  Its a pretty scary place to be, knowing so much is wrong but being totally stuck and unable to work out what needed to be addressed first.

I'm still not really sure where to start.  I went to see the counsellor on Thursday (after going to the dentist, fun fun) and that helped.  Just talking to someone who doesn't give you logic always works.  

Its really odd that logic is the first thing people turn to when someone is upset.  We all know the logical answer to a problem.  I knew that logically there were a series of things that I had to either do or change to make it better, but its not that side of your brain that dominates when you're at the "can't stop crying I feel like my life is totally fucked" point.  Its the emotional side, the side that consumes you with pain that is in control. 

So, as I write this I'm trying to take everything one day at a time, one stressful episode at a time.  I need to rebuild my mental strength or I'm going to end up in a padded room!  I'm feeling okay today I think.

Blogging may be even more infrequent than usual while I'm sorting myself out, but I'll get there soon.

Bx

Comments

[Dena]

At the risk of sounding logical (which, I swear, is NOT my intent), don't worry about fixing what needs to be fixed FIRST. It sounds like you're so overwhelmed that everything needs to be fixed first, and by yesterday. What you might need is a motivator to fix everything in an eventual manner. So, instead of taking care of what needs to be fixed first, try taking care of what is the easiest to deal with. It won't be too overwhelming and you'll see you "to-do" shitlist get cut by one.

I have an anxiety disorder so I can only share with you what sometimes works for me. Although I sometimes just say Fuck It and let it work itself out when I'm in a better mood. Good luck - you're not alone :)

[ellie]

Hugs. That's all I can offer. And xxxx.

[rashbre]

hugs from here too.

[Gany]

People resort to logic because whenever they encounter a problem, they want to solve it. Easier to "force" their solution onto other people than actually trying to help out differently.

As for the rest... A hug it is.

[Roses]

Many, many hugs to you my darling.

As you don't need any advice, you know what needs to be done and how to sort it out. You'll get there sweetie.

You know where I am if you want to vent. I'm available on e-mail, facebook and twitter.

Hope you're taking this weekend easy, with long soaks in the bath (preferably with something that smells nice and is sparkly too).

[Janna Qualman]

Goodness! I hope things have improved for you. I understand what it can be like, letting all of life and its responsibilities overwhelm you until the weight is crushing.

Wishing you the best.

[Beth]

@All Thank you for your lovely comments. As always, I'm feeling very lucky to have such a supportive readership. I've posted twice since this one, but just wanted to say thanks in case you thought "Jesus, I know she's having a tough time but a thank you wouldn't hurt."

Also, I have a new commenter - Hi Janna, thanks for stopping by.

xx