People Watching - The Gym

I (re)joined the gym recently.

I'm actually going too.  Makes a change, I'd joined the same gym three times previously in the last 10 years but hadn't managed to stick at going.  In fact, I have gone more in the two weeks since I joined this time than I did in the six months I was a member two years ago.  The place is the same, I suppose I am different.

Different because at 28, it seems that the combination of not walking to work, having delicious two (or three) course lunches whilst out at work and then eating a proper meal in the evening and a newly developed taste for alcohol that I didn't have in my early twenties means that at the beginning of the year, I was ten pounds lighter than I am now.  Different because I now struggle to fit into at least four of the suits I got earlier in the year.

There are TV's built into the treadmills and there is a pool with 4 types of jacuzzi, 3 types of steam room and a sauna to motivate me to get through.

I have also noticed that the gym is a fascinating place to people watch.  It seems that people are split into groups.

I should say to begin with that there are quite a lot of totally normal people at the gym.  People who have been going for years, who turn up, do their workout and go home.  They're friendly and knowledgeable and helpful.  These are the people who go to the gym because they enjoy it.  Which is weird, but not as weird as some of the groups I'm about to get to.

Then you have people like me.  The people who are there because they have to be to try and resolve some weight/health/fitness issue.  We all look much the same.  We have our shiny new gym kit, our shiny new mp3 player and are keeping our heads down.  We do not want to make eye contact and we certainly do not want to chat.

Next up, you have the Mums who appear to go to the gym as a social activity.  They tend to travel in pairs and go on machines next to each other.  They don't push themselves exceptionally hard and spend the entire time they are there talking about their kids or their husbands.  They occasionally break from this to bitch about the mother's of their childrens' classmates.

After that, you've got the teenage girls. These, generally don't need to go to the gym and look as though they exist on approximately ten calories per day.  They also travel in pairs, tend to either wear far too little (tiny shorts, bra tops etc) or totally inappropriate clothing (deck shoes do not equal trainers) and also like to have giggly chats with the meatheads.  A typical move for this group is to be on an exercise bike close to the free weight section, cycling upright with their hands on their hips to ensure that everyone sees them. 

Speaking of the meatheads.  I find these the most fascinating.  Groups of men, perhaps "packs" is a better word.  They don't do any cardio, they spend their time by the free weights.  They have horrendous technique. You're supposed to lift weights in a slow, controlled manner.  You are not supposed to fling dumbbells around in the air.  It is stupid and you risk injuring not only yourself, but other people around you too.  They also do not use the mirror for technique (which is what it's there for).  They use it to pose.  They swear like builders and fall into two age groups - late teens and scrawny with a bit of muscle and mid to late thirties who wish they were powerlifters, act like they are power lifters but as someone who actually works for a company that sponsors weight lifters I know that they are so very not.  

Finally, the last group I want to discuss I like to call the "Gym Weirdos".  These are the people who do not understand gym etiquette or generally behave oddly.  Note, this applies to men more than women.  For example, if you go into the gym and want to go on the treadmill, you look around and see where the free treadmills are.  At my gym, they are pretty spread out.  If there are a lot of spare treadmills you DO NOT get on one next to someone else.  It is just not done.  It is creepy.   Also, if you are wandering around with your t-shirt tucked into your tracksuit bottoms, doing two reps on a machine or standing around watching people intently, you are also a gym weirdo.  Likewise, if you are 50+ and wear speedos to the pool, pulled up like an 80's high-leg swimsuit, you fall into this category.  It is horrendous.  Don't.  We don't want to see that.  Ever.  

One other group I'd like to mention in closing are those women in the changing rooms.  You know the ones.  The pre/menopausal women who are at a point in their lives where they are totally comfortable with their bodies and you know that's great.  Really.  We all strive to that level of self-confidence.  The thing is, I'M not comfortable with your body.  Especially not if you are trying to have a conversation with me.  Seriously.  Put a towel on.  Please. Don't just sit there.  I don't want to be reminded that this is the level of sagging I can expect in 20 years time.  

So yeah.  I'm going to the gym three times a week.  It's hard and I'm not really seeing major results but that's because I'm not pushing myself too hard.  I know that if I try to do too much, I'll hate it and quit.  At the moment walking for an hour at 5-6k/h on the treadmill then a splash in the pool suits me fine and once it becomes easier I'll up it a little to 6/7k/hour.  Then who knows.  Maybe I'll run.

But not for a while.

Comments

[ellie]

I fucking love this post.

I like to think I am in the first group you mention. The normal ones who are weird b/c we've been going for years. I go, work out, and leave.

All those other groups ......fucking laughing my ass off (which is more fun than going to the gym). Keep it up girl. Do your pace the way you want. It's good for you, possibly entertaining (with all those weirdos about), and you just might become an addict! xxxx

[Amber]

People in our gym have absolutely no sense of etiquette, or personal space, and it just drives me insane. I mean, it's a big gym, and in one part of it there's a row of about twenty treadmills, all next to each other. We go during the day, when it's pretty quiet, and I always take one of the treamills at the end of the row, leaving the rest of them free. I can't count the times I've done that, and someone has come in, looked at the NINETEEN free treadmills they could use... and got onto the one right next to mine. WHY?! Why do they want to do this? It's not like they can be be expecting me to chat to them, because a) I'm running, so I'm too out of breath to speak and b) I have earphones in, so I'm obviously listening to something. And yet I can't seem to get through a workout in a near-empty gym without having some stranger glued to my side at all times. Gah.

(I should add that obviously I have no issue with someone using the machine next to mine if the gym is busy. Doing it when there are another 18 identical machines you could choose is just plain weird.)

[Beth]

@ellie Thank you. It's probably pretty shallow, but the first line of your comment really made me smile. Its nice to feel like I'm rambling and its worth it because someone is enjoying what I'm writing.

I think you're right, once I start to see some results I'll enjoy going. I'm just a little annoyed that I haven't lost 20lbs in the two weeks that I've been going. I guess that makes me impatient! xxx

@Amber EXACTLY! If you have a selection of other equipment to choose from, equipment not right next to someone else, that's what you take. If it's the only one, then yes, by all means use it. If you have to. I'd like it better if you went somewhere else, but if you must have a treadmill and the only free one is next to mine then I'll tolerate it.

[Dena]

"I don't want to be reminded that this is the level of sagging I can expect in 20 years time." Oh, man! Beth - I've missed you and your sense of humor! Good luck with the whole gym thing. I bought some Nike running shoes last year and I used them twice for that purpose. Now,I slip on some yoga pants and my Nikes and cruise the grocery store. Thank god for high metabolism! Uh, so far...but then again - 20 years from now. Eek.

[rashbre]

Great post - it made me laugh. I enjoyed the observational humour as you slice and dice the various exercisers.

[Beth]

@Dena Scary isn't it? Up until earlier this year I thought my metabolism would carry me through. Turns out, at 28, its quitting on me and I either have to stop eating or exercise more. I'm never going to stop eating, I like food too much, so the gym was the only option. It isn't too bad. At least that's what I keep saying to myself.

@rashbre Thank you. That almost makes me sound like a bona fide blogger!

[Gany]

Well that was my second part of comic relief of the day:)

With that kind of blog post I definitely will not be caught going to the gym any time soon from fear of being branded a "meathead"!

Indeed a great post.

[Beth]

@Gany There's not a chance of that. I think the meatheads have vanity in place of self-awareness and from your well thought out comments, I don't think that's you.