...Think, Think, Think...

An Update

You'll have noticed that I haven't been blogging much lately.  I've been on Twitter but both this blog and my other blog have been somewhat neglected.

This is partly becase I know you don't want to read yet another "I'm really fucking unhappy and I don't know how to fix it"post.  They get tiring.  Tiring to read and in part, tiring to write - although a place to vent would be nice.

Very little has changed since the last one.  Work is hard.  Some of my colleagues make it harder.  My inability to manage stress doesn't help.  I'd be better at it, but I have to focus my energy on picking up other people's slack, or generally stopping myself from telling people what I really think.

Anyway..the update.  I'll be moving the blog.  At the moment the blog is Typepad hosted and there's a cost to do that.  I'll be moving over to Blogger in the next few weeks.  I'm struggling to get my archive backed up and transferred but I don't know if I really need it.  It's quite a lot of whingeblah and a fresh start might be nice.

Either way, if you'd like to keep following me (read: if you're optimistic that whingeblah will stop and give way to more positive, interesting blogging) then please make sure you've got my domain address saved rather than the typepad one.

The address you need is:

www.bethblogs.com

 

Thanks for reading and I hope you are all keeping well.  Or that your own whingeblah's aren't too tiresome.

Bx

B'bye 2009

I didn't really enjoy 2009.  Yeah, there were some good things that happened but overall it was a bitch.

Shame really, as I started it so optimistically.  It was going to be MY year, I was going to have a great one.

I didn't.  At least it feels like I didn't.

In January:

• My best friend and his partner took me wine tasting for my birthday.  I learned the proper way to get pissed on wine.
• I saw a burlesque/circus act where a woman pulled a hankie from out of "there" as a magic trick and another deep-throated the leg of a bar stool.
• I had a terrible birthday itself (got locked out in the rain, had to cook my own dinner).
• I fell on an incy pavement and hacked my knee to shreds (still have the scar).

In February:

• Someone tested the water to see if I'd be up for a threesome.
• I was a mere micron away from flashing someone in the pool at the gym.
• I got promoted.

In March:

• I felt stuck in a rut (kind of a theme for the year).
• I asked everyone to tell me their favourite quotes (then put them in a word doc and didn't put them into a book like I meant to).
• I got a funny phonecall.

In April:

• It was suggested I swear too much. (Fuck, no!)
• Someone looked at my blog in search of mother/daughter relationship advice (wrong blog, sistah!).

In May:

• I started to get reeeeeaally unhappy at work.
• I had a brief existential crisis.
• When asked to name an intelligent person who didn't exercise, I came up with Prof. Stephen Hawking.
• I entered a pub quiz on a team called "quiz on my face" (and I'm still laughing).

In June:

• I thought I was out of the rut (wasn't.  so wasn't).
• I lost one of my best friends because I guess he had to make a life choice.  I'm just sad that a compromise couldn't be reached.

In July:

• I got the goose flu and spent 10 days sounding like Marge Simpson.
• My mother dramatically damaged Anglo-Norwegian relations.
• I got my own domain.
• I got a crush on Danny Dyer (oh, the shame).

In August:

• I did a quiz so you could all learn more about me.
• I got annoyed with the neighbours and their screaming kids.
• I apologised for whining so much.
• I identified some things that really piss me off.
• I got ID'd in Waitrose buying posh fruit cider and dinner.
• Not blogged, but this is when stuff started to get really bad at work.  Like crying before I left the house bad.

In September:

• I shared some brief insight to what breakfast is like when I'm unhappy (hint: not healthy).
• I saw Danny Dyer in a play (he was 6 feet from me, if that).
• I experienced the pain of calf massage.

In October:

• Someone found my blog upon searching for "Young Person with Bags Under Eyes" - nice ego boost.
• I got free trainers from www.fitnessfootwear.com.
• I went on an unsuccessful clothes shopping fit and had someone imply I was fat.
• Not blogged, but my maternal grandmother (who I had no relationship with) died.

In November:

• Not blogged, I went to the funeral of my maternal grandmother.  It reminded me how friends are the family we choose for ourselves and made me wonder if I'd see any of the people there again.  It was a very weird experience all around. There were only 3 of us in the crematorium not really grieving.  I felt like I was trespassing.
• Not blogged, by now work was pretty much destroying me and I'd started work on my CV.
• I was in a minor car accident for which I totally blamed myself.
• I met fellow bloggers and saw a play called Poles Apart, which was a wonderful experience.
• I revamped the beauty blog again.

In December:

• My role at work completely changed, meaning that I do virtually no direct customer service work, am not responsible for a team and work directly for one person.  I couldn't be happier, its like starting afresh.  The extra nice thing about this was that the person I now work for specifically asked for me to be the one to help him and its all going really well.
• I struggled to find the enthusiasm to put up Christmas decorations.  In fact I struggled with enthusiasm for Christmas altogether.
• I got some sort of lurgie which the Doc initially said was eczema and forbade me from having bubbles or hot baths/showers.  Turns out, after a second visit to another Doc its Pityriasis Rosea which will eventually go by itself.  This means that I can't treat it and have returned to the world of hot bubbly baths and long, hot showers.
• I wished all of my wonderful readers a Merry Christmas.

So, a long recap there (check out the archives for the original posts).  It felt like such a long, stressful year and I was constantly run down and ill.  It seems that stress will do that to you.  

2010 will be different.  I'm not sure how, but it will.  Today I'll be tidying all my shit so that I'm starting the new year I'll at least be able to find things.

I hope you all have a fantastic time tonight, whatever you may do.

I'll see you on the other side!

Bx

Beauty Blog Revamp

I realise this will probably only appeal to a few people who read here, but I just wanted to post a quick update.

I've started a new beauty blog.  New domain, not linked to this one at all.  I am promising myself that I'll actually put in proper effort to update it the first one went totally by the wayside...Oops!.

If you'd like to check it out (and I really hope you will), its at http://www.glossgalore.com

At the moment there is only a welcome post up, but I'll be updating with a couple of reviews over the weekend as I got some lovely goodies today.

I've been off work this week using up a bit of holiday time, but hopefully once my cold goes (yep, another one!) life will return to normal and I'll be posting more exciting things here. 

Bx

And you guys still stop by?

I've just been looking back through my archives.

Mostly because I'm going to give the link here to someone that doesn't already have it and I wanted to make sure I hadn't said something like "That Terry, what a muppet!" Of course I wouldn't have (because he isn't!), but it never hurts to make sure there isn't anything dodgy.  I generally don't give the blog details to people in my real life if that makes sense - its sort of my own space to vent.  I'm pretty easily found, but they'd have to search.

Realy though, how much whining about my life do I do?  If we were to search the phrase "unhappy" in this blog, I reckon it'd come up in every single post.  Closely followed by "stressed".  With "fuck" and its derivatives coming it in third place, but not for any fun reasons.

I know they say that you shouldn't apologise for what you write about, its bad blog etiquette.  But really, I'm sorry for that and I'm pleased that in spite of it there are some of you who still come by and read/comment - so thank you for that!

I'll try harder to be less of a moany cow in upcoming posts, promise.

New Digs

I've been blogging for a while now.

Years, in one form or another. Livejournal, blogger, then here.

I decided that it was about time that I had my own domain name.

So I got one.  You can now reach the blog by going to www.bethblogs.com.

I've also finally made a start on my beauty blog too, which can be found at www.bethblogs.com/beauty  or just by clicking the link under the header - if you're interested that is!

#100 - Where Technology and Dolly Parton conspire against me

This, according to Typepad is my 100th post.

Thats not strictly true as i've had at least two total culls where I've been through and deleted some or all of my archives.

As I've (not so subtley) implied in recent posts, I'm not the happiest of bunnies at the moment.  At work, I got promoted, but there are elements of the job now that frustrate me more than I ever thought they would.  I won't go into detail here, I haven't even discussed them with my boss because at the moment I'm trying to ascertain whether its my expectations being too high or a real problem.  I will say that while I'm trying to sort my head out there has been a point in each week where I haven't exactly been ecstatic at the prospect of getting up and going to the office.

Most mornings, unless I go in very early, I walk to work.  Its 15-20 minutes from my house and provides me with the only exercise I get.  I can't walk in silence because I find the sound of my own neuroses to be totally mind numbing, so I always have an mp3 player with me (currently a red Sony NWZ-S638which I love!) and its mostly filled with rock.  Metallica, Queen, Nickelback, RHCP, Seether, Theory of a Deadman, Three Doors Down.  That sorta stuff.  There is the odd bit of cheesy pop, R&B, Rap, Jazz and even some country too.

Every morning in the last week, within the first 4 or 5 songs the "intelligent shuffle" has given me the same some.  I don't know how.  I don't know how it considers that shuffling, but every morning one of the first songs it picks to play for me is 9 to 5 by Dolly Parton.

Ironic, no?

Found Ya...

Sometimes, as most bloggers probably do, I like to have a look and see how people have found my site.

A lot of the time its either people who have my bookmarked, or find me through another blog I read but occasionally they find me through a search engine.

Yesterday, someone found my blog after typing in "How to fix a bad mother-daughter relationship".

I don't know if that person found any useful information in my posts.  But, if you are that person and you happened to have come back I'll give you my honest opinion.

If it's recently gone bad, you might be able to fix it.  If it's always been bad, you have to find a way to reconcile it in your head and come to terms with the fact that you're probably never going to have that "my mother is my best friend" thing happening.  Another helpful tool is to look at your mother's relationship with her mother.  If it was bad, there's a pattern here and on some level you have to consciously break that cycle - for your own sake.

It took me a lot of counselling and soul searching before I realised that I was tying myself in knots to please my mother and it was totally pointless.  It never worked.  It was never enough and I got tired of feeling like I was never enough.

Its been a few years now since I was in therapy working through it all, but I can honestly say that now, other than the odd frustration at things that go on in my house I'm totally at ease with the fact that we're not that family. 

I aspire to more for my children.  I want to be a good mother for them if/when I have them.  I don't want to make them feel like I felt for way too much of my life.

Thats just my two cents worth, if you've come back that is.  If you're reading and you're not that searcher, then you've just had another bit of insight into my inner workings!

Buy This!

After 3 months of careful deliberation, the fantastic Peach and her team of editors (Ariel, Desperate Sarah, Ms Robinson , and Vi) have selected the pieces they liked enough to be in a book about blogging, the proceeds from which will go to help Warchild do the good things they do!

I'm absolutely elated (after a shitty few weeks) to say that one of my pieces was selected to be in the book.  I'm about to say (type?) something not very grown up.

SQUEEE!!!!! 

I'm really excited and proud and all of that!

Please go on over to Peach's blog to have a look at the full list of contributors and for some more information on the book.

And if you only do one thing this month...buy a copy - its for a fantastic cause and you definitely won't be disappointed by the entries.  I've only skim-read the list of participants (because I'm still being happy and excited for me!) but some of the ones I noticed are utterly fabulous (Peach herself, Clarissa and OE are blogs I read regularly).

Well done to everyone who contributed (they had about 400 entries) and also a major huge enormous well done to Peach and the ladies who put it all together, you've done a geat job over the last 3 months and the hard graft is all worth it I'm sure!

You're Not The Only One

Please, go here - read.

http://peacharse.blogspot.com/2008/02/youre-not-only-one_10.html

I've submitted a couple of posts and Peach has suggested I could write something new.  I've not felt much like a writer lately.  I'm finding it hard to blog because other than woking lots and being tired there is precisely nothing at all going on in my life.

But anyway...enough about me.  Go and read that post.  If you're a blogger, submit something!  If you're not a blogger, bookmark and remember to check back and see when the book is published so you can buy a copy and do good things for charity!

Edited to make the link work!

Searching...

Occasionally, when I remember, I like to see how people have found my site.  Its amusing to see other people's google searches.

It seems that one particular searcher was a little disappointed last night, as they searched:

"Collarbones are beautiful"
"Women with nice collarbones"
"Collarbones stick out"

My guess on that?  Its a girl who was looking, not a guy.  I could be wrong and I'll never know, but thats where my money is going.

I also found that someone searched:

"think think think beth smith blog"

...on a google.co.uk search, meaning that someone over here was looking for me.  Must have been a reader, rather than someone who didn't know about it because if they didn't know, they wouldn't know it was called "Think, Think, Think".

There were also a coulple of others - "Double D's" which lead to my surgery contemplation post, "Meerkat" that lead to my Russell Brand You Tube post and also "How two people drift and meet" which struck me as an odd search, but at any rate that lead to my Inevitable Drift one.

Okay..I admit it.  I'm a lazy blogger, trying to pull together a post based on rubbish that no one cares about.  I'll post properly soon.  I promise.  In the next few days, I swear.